How to write a smarter paper

I am sitting in my usual Starbucks with my roommate on this beautiful Sunday afternoon "studying." Every time I have a paper, midterm, final, project, etc. I have the sudden urge to catch up on my blogging. So, today, I wanted to share a little nugget of wisdom with my readers (hi mom!). I am a professional school-paper-writer, I have written countless, as I am sure you have too, and I am going to share the key to sounding like you know how to write a paper.

Use semicolons.

I know, this raises a few questions or concerns like; How do I use a semicolon? Why would that make my paper better? I love commas. What's wrong with a normal colon? What if I use it wrong?

IRRELEVANT.

Here is everything you need to know about semicolons; no one knows how to use them, they look fancy, no one will question the rest of your punctuation because you're smart enough to use a semicolon, (you OBVIOUSLY know how to use a goddamn comma), and you will make everyone who reads your paper insecure about not using the infamous semicolon.

BOOM; that C paper has moved up to an A-. 

You are welcome.

xo

K