As a college student, I
have the privilege and opportunity to see numerous famous and prestigious individuals speak all over campus. Sometimes they are guest
speakers in class and others are giving campus-wide speeches. Some of
them are known for reasons that are less then heroic
*coughAndrewFastowcough, and others that are trying to save the
world. Today, the campus of CU Boulder was blessed by the presence of
the current President of the United States of America, Barack Obama.
OOOOOOHHH! AHHHHH!!
This is only the second
time Boulder, Colorado has been graced by a sitting president, the
first being Eisenhower in 1954.
This story begins last
Sunday when tickets for Obama's not-campaign stop on our beautiful
campus went on sale. The event had free admission for everyone and a
limited number of seats available. Tickets were accessible from 12:00
pm until 3:00 pm for students, and after 3:00 they were reserved for
everyone else (general public, faculty, etc.). The line for student
tickets began forming somewhere around 8:00 am and only continued to
grow, and grow, until campus and half of Broadway swarmed with eager
students. For those truly committed to seeing our Commander and
Chief, they waited in line. And then they waited in line some more. I
have friends, they know who they are, who foolishly waited in line
for up to two and a half hours. Why do I call them foolish you may
ask? Because my man-friend aka DJ CDOM aka Owner and Operator of
Staged Incident aka Chris, and I went to brunch with mother dearest
and wisely came back at 2:45 to get our tickets. There were plenty
left and the whole process took us 11 minutes (yes, we timed it).
This included: parking, paying to park, walking, getting tickets,
getting lost, etc. BOOM BITCHES.
So today was the big day.
Coors Event Center had a line going on for nearly a mile, full of
eager Obama-lovers waving American Flags and shit-talking Mitt
Romney. There were a few anomalies in the crowd of Obama fans;
Boulder's republicans came out in full-force, fully equip with
signage and rude comments about our dear presidenté.
I know what you're thinking, and I know, I am shocked too. BOULDER
HAS REPUBLICANS?
Anyway, after melting in
the sun and earning myself a farmer's tan, after an hour and a half
of waiting in line we made it to the basketball stadium. My body
shook with anticipation of seeing Obama and getting in the shade (or
maybe it was just the dehydration), but we finally made it inside. I
might add, there was no air conditioning, there were 11,000 people,
and a million hot spot lights. Great.
We found seats positioned
pretty far back but directly facing Mr. Obama and his secret service.
And we waited.
To pass the time Chris and
I played a few highly competitive rounds of rock, paper, scissor, and
played thumb-war once or twice, or ten times. Then, finally, after
Sir Barack spent some quality time at The Sink Restaurant on The
Hill, taking his sweet ass time, he arrived.
He was greeted with a warm
welcome, and started things off cracking jokes, talking about
Boulder, praising The Sink, and looking as handsome as ever.
I was immediately pissed
off.
Alright, you should know I
am a registered Democrat with very, VERY mixed feelings about
political parties and government policies. I am basically an
Independent but what good is that, I can't vote in a primary, not
that I have ever voted in a primary, but damn it, as a Democrat, I
could if I wanted to!
I like Obama because he is
charming, good-looking, and his wife is hot. I think he's done some
good for our country, but if we're being honest, he had no where to
go but up.
Basically what I'm saying
is, someone needs to step it up and convince me that they are the one
I should trust. And what do you know, no one has even tried. Until
now.
Before I explain my
pissed-off-ness, I should remind you that, one - I have some
non-negotiable political opinions, and two - my vote has been
neglected by any presidential candidate thus far in my life.
(Whatever, so I'm 20 and this is the first election I can vote in. So
what? You should have been priming me to vote for you since I could
read.). And three - I just spent the last 4ish hours of my life
melting in the heat.
(Picture me, sweating,
mascara dripping down my face after just listening to whiny voices
for 4 hours – not pretty.)
Alright, so I'm pissed-off
because who do you think you are Barack? – can I call you Barack?
Coming in here like I have
no brain and all you have to do is make me smile and I'll vote for
you? HA HA you're so charming and funny but what can you do for ME!?
He spoke to the audience
of college students like they were 10 years old and they needed a
“Good boy!” from Mr. President. And the audience loved every
minute of it.
The applause was endless.
Barack would say, “You want lowered tuition rates!” EXPLOSION OF
APPLAUSE.
The fuck people. . . He
just stated a goddamn fact.
“Apple pie is
delicious!” SEE! I CAN DO IT TOO.
Bastard. He's a genius.
Anyway, I am in complete
awe of Barack's impressive speaking skill. He had 11,000 people
hanging on his every word, granted he was talking about our tuition,
student loans, and interest rates.
I think that pissed me off
too. Cheap shot if you ask me. Of course we care about that stuff. I
guess he's playing to his audience, and I guess no one can blame him.
Maybe it's just that I hate all politicians. I mean, smiley things
make me gag so why would this be any different?
Anyway, he finished his
speech/non-campaign stop, whatever you want to call it, by
referencing Facebook and Twitter. Really dude? That's how you and I
are going to bond? Over social media? You seem so young and hip now.
[except that I love social media seeing as it is the basis of my jobs
and I just fucked shit up on Draw Something.]
I'll probably vote for
him.
Xo,
K
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