Public Speaking 101

It's finals time once again, which means tests and projects up the yin yang. This semester, I am enrolled in a public speaking course and our final includes a final speech (shocker). The assignment for this speech is to make up an award that you will pretend to receive and give the class your acceptance speech.

So here is my speech, hope you enjoy:

THE MOST CAFFEINATED AWARD

First of all, I want to thank the academy and all of my peers for awarding me the great honor of being the “Most Caffeinated.” This award means the world to me.

I need to thank my mom for always sending me Starbucks gift cards, I could never have done this without your thoughtful gifts, love, and support. With your help I became a Starbucks gold member in 3 days and the Vanilla Lattes have continued to flow. Thank you mom.

Additionally, I need to thank Starbucks for making delicious coffee beverages and throwing in that extra espresso shot here and there.

I want to shout out to my friends at Red Bull and Rockstar, for their easy to drink and reasonably priced energy drinks. You have made my journey to this point in my life so much easier and much more carbonated.

My excessive consumption of caffeine is not a hobby or habit, but is a lifestyle choice that I work hard to maintain. It warms my heart to feel the appreciation of all of you in the audience.

The process of becoming “The Most Caffeinated” began when I took my first courses at CU Boulder. Without the assistance of caffeinated substances, I did not stand a chance staying awake in my freshman writing course. Every day, 3:00 pm would roll around after a long day of activities, my professor would dim the lights, and the monotone lecture would begin. It took only moments before I would nod off and sleep until the sound of my own snores would wake me up. My professor as well as my peers did not appreciate my lack of attention and I knew I needed to change something in my life. That is when caffeine came into my world and changed me for the better.

Before class, I would drink a Sugar Free Red Bull and class would proceed. My mind would stay sharp and my eyes wide. I knew I would never be the same. My professor noticed the difference and stopped docking participation points. My peers began to chat with me during the death-by-boredom lectures and I ended up making some life-long friends. This is all due to my dietary change.

Now, I could maintain my late night habits and still keep my grades up. I stopped napping and started studying.

I have now succeeded in consuming more caffeine in one sitting then was previously thought possible by scientists around the world and I couldn't have done it without your love and support. I am so thankful for this recognition.

I wish you all the best and I encourage every single one of you to free yourselves from sleep and follow in my footsteps. Enjoy those late nights and early mornings followed by productive days. You will be amazed at how many episodes of Mad Men you can watch in a 24-hour time period. Trust me, this is the best decision I have ever made.

Thank you all for this award. God Bless you all.