Presidential Elections

This is the first presidential election I have been eligible to vote in. I like to think of myself as fairly educated in political matters at all times (daughter of lawyers) and I do my best to encourage my friends to learn a little about the people who run our country. I have never paid quite as close attention to a presidential election until this year because either I couldn't vote myself, or I still sat in a high chair at dinner. As the campaign began and Colorado became an important swing state, I started learning more and more about our country and the people that live in it.
To begin with, I need to address my peers. Dear other college students, did you really just ask me the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? Did you miss that day of US history where we learned about the electoral college? And please, don't tell me you're just voting like your daddy does. Who let you into a University? We are important. Our votes count just as must as anyone else's and yet here you are, refusing to register to vote even though other politically sound college students are EVERYWHERE on campus, coming into your classes and harassing you in the halls, just to get you to register. "I forgot," or "I didn't have time," is a bunch of bullshit. You had the chance, and you chose not to. I know, you said you just don't know enough about the candidates to vote and so you just never registered. NO EXCUSE YOUNG LADY. You know how to use the internet (I know you do because you uploaded 210 pictures from last weekend's "Blackout" football game). I am shocked by the lack of interest in this presidential election I have witnessed among my peers. In 4 years, when you're starting your career or buying a house or trying to get health insurance - you're going to wish you had Googled it.
Secondly, a problem I have with these presidential elections because of the animosity it evokes in US citizens. Good old George Washington warned us not to develop political parties for it will divide our nation. And you know what? Dear Georgie was right. Democrats and Republicans are coming out of the woodwork and suddenly standing up for values they had never previously mentioned caring/knowing about. But here, we go back point #1, being uneducated; if you don't know what you're talking about, shut up. You don't know the first thing about what it means to be a republican, or what Romney's first name is, stop. Stop arguing with your peers and judging someone who thinks differently then you. You know what, that's what I think bugs me the most. Just because your friend is voting for someone you're not voting for doesn't mean you get to push your opinions on them. As a matter of fact, that's what bugs me about political parties in general, on social issues anyway, is that I don't want you to feel as though you can tell me what to do or how to think (2 points - Which political party I'm a member of?).
I have more to say, but BioPsych class is over (mom, I was paying attention, I swear) and I've gotta run!

XO
K

Public Relations

For my PR class, we were told to write a professional press release about an alternative energy discovery made my CU. All of the details were up to us. Here is what I wrote:

Contact:

Catherine Marylander

Media Relations Director

Public Relations, Inc.

(303)-717-8415

catherine.marylander@colorado.edu

For immediate release – September 25, 2012

CU Boulder Faculty Discovers Unexpected Energy Source

Unexpected use of marijuana smoke changes the way people look at an illegal drug

Boulder, Colo., September 24, 2012 - Earlier this month, scientists from the University of Colorado at Boulder discovered that the smoke released from smoking marijuana can be captured, processed and used as an alternative energy source. Scientists utilized the school's abundance of marijuana smoke and found a method using newly created Cannabis Technology to power entire buildings and possibly cars using only this smoke. This discovery may fill the world's need for a alternative energy source that promotes a greener world.

A team of scientists, lead by Dr. John Anderson, came together on the CU Boulder campus in early 2010 to combine their years of schooling and passion for a greener future. They attempted to use the rapid waters of the Boulder Creek, glacial run off, and solar power to generate enough energy to power their energy lab. All of these alternatives proved futile. Finally, Anderson's son suggested he and his team utilize the local student body's habit of smoking pot. “I was skeptical to draw more attention to the school's already bad reputation brought on by the pot-smoking culture, however, due to the chemical properties in Cannabis, it became hard for me to ignore the opportunities,” commented Anderson.

CU Boulder has always had a negative reputation due to the notion that they are a “stoner school.” This implies that the student body frequently partakes in the illegal consumption of marijuana. However, since this new discovery, the reason for CU Boulder's bad reputation might end up being the same factor that makes the school go down in alternative energy history.

Many new questions are bound to arise due to this new discovery. Governmental officials have expressed some disapproval due to the illegal nature of marijuana itself. Senator Michael Bennett explained, “Marijuana is still an illegal drug. Until we have done further research on it's effects on the human brain, this fact will not change. It's possible use as an alternative energy source only encourages further research.” Will this discovery change the nations view of pot as a drug? Will it be legalized? Does this encourage more people to start smoking.

University of Colorado at Boulder

The flagship university in the state of Colorado, CU Boulder is a member of the Association of American Universities. It is a public university with 25,000 undergraduate students and 10,000 graduate students.

Contact –

Philip DiStefano

(303)-495-9235

philip.distefano@colorado.edu

Dr. John Anderson

John Anderson received his Bachelors in chemical engineering from Colorado School of Mines in 1982 and then attended graduate school and received his PhD from Stanford University a mere four years later. He has been at CU Boulder for 10 years both researching and teaching.

Contact –

(303)-439-9800

john.anderson@colorado.edu

Senator Micheal Bennett

Bennett was elected to be Senator of Colorado in November of 2010. He is a democratic senator who stands for creating jobs and holding the federal government fiscally responsible.

Contact -

1127 Sherman St., Suite 150

Denver, Colorado 80203

(303) 455-7600

Hobo or Professor

I'm back in school with all new professors and all new classes. I am currently sitting in Norlin Library and a man just walked by my quiet study room. I eyed his clothes and his stride, both of which were very odd - to say the very lest. I wondered what he was doing in the library; preparing a chemistry lab? Printing handouts for an anthropology lecture? Finding a warm place to sleep? Then it dawned on me - there is no way to tell the difference between a homeless man and a professor.

I don't know that this rings true across campuses nationwide, and doesn't apply to the Business School here at CU, but as far as those Arts and Sciences professors are concerned - they may actually be hobos.

For example, I am taking a German upper division literature class all about Goethe's Faust (don't ask how I ended up here, it just worked with my Tuesday/Thursday schedule). My professor asked us to call him "Edward," no last name mentioned. He said he used to go by Ed but he outgrew the name. Edward looks like a shriveled 100 year old skeleton. He is about six foot tall and doesn't weigh more then 95 pounds. He wears ill-fitting pants and a pattern vest everyday. He always seems frazzled and mutters curse words and nonsense under his breath. All you would have to do is give him a "Anything Helps. God Bless." sign and BAM, you'd have yourself your very own hobo.

This fact rings true for almost all of the male professors I have had thus far in college. They hunch and hobble into class (even the under 30 professors) wearing their over sized pants and poorly tied bow tie.

Sometimes I wonder - could they be both? A homeless professor? Food for thought.

K

Study Abroad: Complete

I think I'm depressed that study abroad is over.

It's so strange to think that I will be sleeping in my childhood bed in just one more night. At times, it has felt like I've been gone for so long while other times, it's as though I just got here. Some days I would look at my calendar and be like - holy s*t, I have so much time left here. But now that I'm on my final days, it's like - holy sh*t, I have no time left here.

I am in Stockholm with my dearest father and we have been having a blast. We have been to Old Town, a Viking Walking Tour (which included wearing viking helmets, yes, there are pictures), the Vasa Museum, and we have been eating. I am so lucky he came to see Copenhagen, saw my apartment, and now we get to discover a new city and put in our father-daughter bonding time. Now everyone gets that chance you know.

However, I keep thinking about all my friends back in Copenhagen, who are no longer in Copenhagen but have returned to their respective US states or are traveling through Europe, and I am sad to think that we will never all be together again. BUT, I have doubled my number of Facebook friends so it's still a win. I have so many memories (good and bad) that I can keep forever with these people that were complete strangers 2 months ago. (Yes, that was very corny, but I am feeling really corny right now so deal with it.)

I am really excited to go to Boulder and get back to my everyday, boring life. Maybe I can join a gym and get a tan...or get a job.

See you soon Colorado!

xo,
K

I miss my American food

I miss my favorite foods. So, on my last day of classes in Denmark, this is a list of all the foods I need ASAP when I get home. (Joey - I'm talking to you)

1.) Chipotle

2.) Rush Bowls

3.) Foolish Craigs

4.) Pei Wei

5.) Red Robin

6.) MEXICAN FOOD (None of the good queso and guac filled deliciousness on this side of the pond)

7.) Ripple

8.) Walnut Cafe

9.) Sushi (nom nom nom)

10.) Starbucks

I'm drooling,

K

I guess my study abroad is over..?

Well that flew by. I am finishing my 6th week in Denmark and I am obviously super cultured, fluent in Danish, and worldly now. NOT.

It's been possibly the greatest summer of my life.

I have compiled a list of the things I have learned about myself and about the world outside of my little Boulder bubble.

1.) Boulder is the tits.
 Because I was housed in a dorm-like setting with all other American student's, I actually learned more about other colleges and other parts of the US just as much as about Europe. I lived with people from the South, from the East Coast, from California, from Iowa (where the f*ck is that anyway?), and a few others from Colorado. My state wins. Sucks to suck.
I am serious, Colorado, Boulder specifically, is the greatest place in the world. Between the mountains and the weather I couldn't ask for anything more.
I always have heard people say that people in Boulder are "down-to-earth." I never really understood what this term was referring to and I have just assumed people thought we were literally close to the earth, being dirty hippies and all. I assumed they pictured us all smoking pot and sitting cross-legged on the dirt under a tree. But actually, Boulderites are so down-to-earth - in the sense that they have their priorities in the right places. I have a new appreciation for where my parent's decided to raise me.

2.) Europe love/hates America.
Europe's relationship is like my secret love for Zac Efron. It's Love/Hate. I literally HATE HIM. He has a "YOLO" tattoo - need I say more? But secretly, I love the way he looks, I thought he was phenomenal in Hairspray, and I think he's damn sexy. But if you ever ask me about this again I will deny, deny, deny. Zac who?
I have noticed in my recent travels that although many Europeans do see Americans and America in general as inferior to themselves, naive, and full of loud, obnoxious, fat people - they actually love us. Every store is filled with American flag message T's and burger's dominate all of the trendy restaurants. The music and the TV shows are all re-runs of what we have all worshiped at one time or another in the US (Friends from 2001? Hollaaa.). So although we've been told that Europe hates us, they only hate us like I hate Zac Efron - outwardly. Inwardly they want to take us out for a nice lobster dinner and learn everything about us.

3.) Travelling is exhausting.
After visiting 5 countries and living half out of a suitcase all of the time, I am pooped. All of the time. We all are. If anyone in my program sits still long enough, we fall asleep. No exceptions. Imagine how hard studying and taking lecture notes is now? A god damn challenge. Coffee is about $8 a cup, so we do our best to get by without it.

4.) My parent's love me a lot.
I am so grateful that my parents love me. Not only do they put up with my endless tears, mean jokes, loud voice, and pretend to read my blog (see you Sunday Dad!) - but they love me enough to send me to Europe on study abroad. Boy, am I a lucky girl.


XO,
K

Amsterdam - Day One

I have stepped into an alternate universe where everyone is smoking weed, eating mushrooms, and doing prostitutes. HELLO AMSTERDAM!

I never realized how scandalous those Dutch really are.

I am actually really enjoying the atmosphere, way more then I thought I would. At first you're like, "woah, those are boobs and they are for sale," and then you're like, "look at all these creepy middle aged men looking at the boobs!" and finally you're like, "This is kinda neat."

In that order.

At first, it seems wrong and dirty but that's only at first glance. Then you realize, this is the culture here. Yes, the men staring in the window at the almost naked woman straddling the stool are still creepy. However, right next to these creepy men and pornographic images is a really cute little froyo place with a happy older couple eating ice cream outside enjoying the sun. Neither parties seem the least bit bothered by the other. It's a completely new dynamic.

What's also interesting is that they are trying to close off this whole red light district to tourists, which seems counter intuitive to me considering the fact that they are a huge source of revenue. But walking around, gawking at all the shops, I realize that I don't fit in. I am kind of ruining the vibe. (Not that that's stopping me, by any means.) But we are going to be among the last groups of students with this opportunity. So I am soaking it all in!

For the rest of the week, because we are here for my Human Trafficking and Prostitution class, we are attending various lectures and visiting non-profits to learn about the different aspects of prostitution here in Amsterdam. I am really interested to understand why they have taken such a different approach then most of the world.

Keep ya posted.

XO
K

2 Weeks Left

I have been abroad for over a month now and I don't feel how I thought I would. Sometimes I miss home. I miss the mountains and American food. I miss Starbucks and Chipotle. I miss having a normal sized bed to sleep in. I miss my friends and my family. But, when I leave, I am going to miss just as much about here as I do about home. It's strange, because I have never really moved to a new place before, how quickly somewhere can start to feel like home. I don't speak Danish and I don't have a bike, but Copenhagen has become pretty familiar. I hate the weather (haven't seen the sun in weeks, get ready for some blinding whiteness when I'm home) and I hate that I can't eat anything for less then $15. But, I can tell you where the closest grocery store is, where the best coffee is, how to get to the airport, where to shop, where to lay out (haha jokes), I can name every 7-11 in a five mile radius, and my feet have finally become accustom to the cobblestone. I didn't realize it until after it happened, but I feel like I live here.

The Czech Republic

Well, this past weekend, I ventured to Prague in the Czech Republic to visit some friends and see the sights. My journey began at the crack of dawn when I hoped on the metro and headed, unnecessarily early to the airport. This was huge for me. Traveling from one foreign country to another, super proud.

Anyway, I didn't realize that I was going to be at the airport SO embarrassingly early because in America, it takes a million years to check-in, go through security, get patted down, and yada yada yada. However, in foreign countries apparently, if you have a passport, you can keep your shoes on through security and stroll right on up to your gate. They didn't even make me take out my liquids, shocker.

I finally made it to Prague and met my dear friend Erin in the airport. She had traveled from Florence, Italy to meet me and our friends Erin and DJ who are studying in Prague.

Here are my thoughts on the Czech Republic:

1.) Their food is nasty (Goulash and dumplings...not my thing.)
2.) The Czech Republic makes you bloat.
3.) The people don't know how to smile. (And I was cracking lots of jokes)
4.) The night life is insane.
5.) Asian tourists love Prague.
6.) It's so perfect for my friends.

Our weekend was very successful, so successful in fact, that I am now ill and have not left my bed in for about 24 hours.

1/2 done with study abroad! AHH!

XO
K

Christiania

There is a town in Copenhagen called Christiania. This is a free town, which means that it is independent from the rest of Copenhagen. They basically get all of the perks, like free healthcare and free education for life, with none of the responsibilities. They sell marijuana and all hash products to pay for their livelihoods and have become one of the biggest tourist attractions in Denmark.

Obviously, as a tourist and for educational purposes, I had to investigate. We went on a walking tour of Christiania which meant an old hippie who chain smokes cigarettes, biked ahead of us and told us about the 40 year old town, which he had lived in for the last 35 years. Living in a hash-smoking, revolutionary town, with blurred moral and legal lines, he was a character. He was rocking neon Crocks, need I say more?

This town is like nothing I have ever seen. They forbid pictures because after all, selling pot is still illegal. But imagine a jumble of old German, World War barracks, scattered randomly around near a stream. Now imagine them covered in graffiti and some eccentric artwork. Or stop imagining and just google "Christiania," duh.

The people are all men, who are either too drunk or too high to do anything productive.  So they sit around and listen to reggae music and chain smoke joints. It was awesome, when I wasn't scared.

Among the smelly stoned men, there are groups of Asian tourists getting yelled at for whipping out cameras and a few walking tours of rich older white folks who are glaring at the stoners from afar. And then there was us. A bunch of American kids staring greedily at the piles of marijuana. We may have looked the most touristy of them all.

Last weekend we went to Berlin. Pictures will be up soon.

xoxo,
K

Sweden Adventure Trip

Hello! Already 2 weeks in to my 6 week study abroad. (followed by 1 week of travel with my dear daddy)

This last weekend I went on a school organized trip to Sweden. We went to the coast in a city called something that starts with a "K" where we canoed on the Rhone River, rappelled on the coast, and hiked everywhere. I am pooped to say the least.

This is about how it panned out:

We met at the bus at 7:20 am on Saturday. This sounds simple but I made the poor choice to go out Friday night and the little amount of sleep was not conducive to happy go lucky Katie. But I made it just in time. We then took a giant charter bus to the northern coast of Denmark Where the entire bus drove into a ferry and we journeyed the short 15 minute ferry ride to Sweden. Crazy.

The ferry reminded me of my families last cruise to Alaska. I was reminded of that intense need to puke because of motion sickness. Cheers.

Finally we get off the bus and head straight for the river. With absolutely no instruction, they put three of us in each canoe and send us on our way.

I was shocked. I figured we would hear some safety lesson and maybe they'd tell me how to steer, considering I have never canoed before, but to my disappointment, they did no such thing.

This is a common theme in Denmark I've noticed. It's a very much "sink or swim" mentality. There is less instruction and concern but everyone learns by doing.

This starts at a young age. We went to a daycare center one day for class to see how the children of Denmark are raised. These children were making themselves lunch. What this means here is that each 4 year old (no exaggeration) is given a 4-6 inch knife to chop up chucks of broccoli that is the size of my head. Excuse me Denmark!!? Giving a 4 year old a giant fucking knife to cut up raw, hard broccoli? This is a trip to the hospital and 10 stitches in the making. But no, they chopped happily away, unsupervised and no blood was drawn. I wanted to look away as I witnessed this impending accident and was completely shocked but the success.

This is how the Danes work. They expect you to be successful and don't see a need to hold your hand to get there.

Back to canoeing; no instruction necessary. So we road for 3 hours down the river. My whole body is sore and I'm still cold from the rain. Oh yeah did I mention? It poured fridged rain on us as we paddled hopelessly down the river.

Then we went to the hostel and ate some kind of stew. Apparently it was beef, but as far as I know it was rabbit or squirrel. I didn't care. I was freezing and tired and had beer tasted anything so delicious in all my life.

We continued to hike the rest of the day (3-4 hours) and then come back to the hostel and pass out immediately. 

The next morning we ate a Danish breakfast of lunch meets and muselie. Delish. And then went to rappel down a cliff followed by another hike. I am exhausted just thinking about how exhausted I was, that's exhausting.

The last leg of our journey involved eating and sipping tea at the King of Sweden's favorite restaurant. We ate his favorite pastries in this fancy little tea house. The whole place looked like it had been taken over by you g hobos for we were all wins blown, tired and I showered. A good look for me I'm sure.

And that was that. A wonderful weekend adventure. It was actually such a great time and I'd highly recommend the same trip to anyone else. 

Here's some pictures from the adventure: MORE TO COME!

xoxo, K

DISTORTION

Greetings! 

Finished with the month of May in Copenhagen. And boy, that did not go by fast. However, I am sure that the rest of this month is going to fly. Starting this weekend I travel to Sweden, Berlin, Prague, Amsterdam, and Stockholm. And did I mention I am taking 6 credits? Holy smokes.

So far in Copenhagen we have been getting acquainted with the locals and immersing ourselves into the daily life of the locals. This week that has mostly been the even called Distortion. Basically, how this works is everyone drinks all day long and dances to the various DJs spinning all around town. This year, one of the bigger DJs just so happened to be located outside our living room window. This lead to little sleep and maximum dancing.

The youth of Copenhagen came together yesterday to rage their faces off. This did not end with the drinking and dancing but escalated to levels unheard of in the United States. For example, a dear friend of mine living in my apartment was dancing around, minding her own business, when a young man came over, pulled his penis out of his pants and peed all over her. HE PEED ON HER PEOPLE. This is real life here in Copenhagen. Frankly, as far as I can tell, peeing in public is not only allowed, but encouraged. There were OUTDOOR AND DOORLESS urinals everywhere. Needless to say, the city didn't smell so great and was filled with Danish penis.

Eww. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

The party in the streets on Copenhagen started at 4 and ended around 12. But our night did not end there. Our RA, who is suppose to be monitoring us and making sure we stay out of trouble, brought back a large group of locals to the apartment. They stayed most of the night. I may have snuck off to my room early to read some 50 Shades of Grey. Yeah...

Our fearless leader and perfect RA is depicted below dancing on tables in the mini skirt. 

Here are some pictures from our night of Distortion:

                                                                         (RA Louis)

                                                                       My Roomie

I time traveled to Denmark.

If you have ever wondered what living in Denmark would be like, I am going to paint you a picture so you can really feel as though you are with me right now.

You can walk around the street with a beer in hand, you can forget about sleep, and you're living in 1985.

Yes, you heard me correctly, Denmark is like the US in 1985. At least the music is.

Last night, we went to this club called "Night Fever," (google it), and it is 80s themed. Funny thing about that is that being 80s themed basically just makes it the exact same as all of the other bars/clubs/pubs in this whole freaking city. I cannot even tell you how many times I have heard The Village People sing YMCA in the last 4 nights. There is some Michael Jackson as well as son Chaka khan everywhere I go. The fuck people?!  I want to hear Call Me Maybe and some freaking J. Cole.

Danes appear to be very interested/obsessed in all things American. This begins with the music they listen to, and know all of the words to. They are only a few years behind. We taught some Danish girls how to play beer pong, for they had never seen a bp table before. And finally, not to sounds like a complete narcissist, they are obsessed with us; Americans.

I choose to believe that it is our whit and charm as well as our knack for always having a great time that draws them all to us, but according to a friend of ours, American girls have a reputation for being easy.

Anyway, here's a little montage of the music scene here in Denmark.

Wake up lazy!

Hello world. It's either day 3 or 4, depending on how you look at it and what time zone you're in, in Copenhagen.

Went out last night with the girls on my floor. Everything starts late here in Denmark. It could be because the sun doesn't go down until 11 and comes back up at 4, but the people here party hard, and they party late. At home in Boulder I complain all the time about starting partying too late, and by too late we're talking 11-11:30 when things get going. Here, you can start drinking at 9 am for all they care, but the bars and clubs don't really pick up until 2 am. Sorry people, that's my bedtime.

This morning class began for me at 8:30 am, a time I do my best never to be awake to see on my clock. After a night out, this was a struggle. Finishing at around 12:30 pm, I scurried back to my apartment, and promptly passed out. I am still in bed (4 hours later). I am feeling particularly lazy, but it is about time I caught up on my sleep. The last full night's rest I got was probably Sunday night, it's Friday.

Big group dinner with all of the DIS program, a good solid meal is much needed. Then a night out and let the first weekend begin.

Will check in later.

XO,
K

Copenhagen, Denmark

Hej!

Writing from my first full day in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Holy smokes, I am actually here.

Where do I begin?

Longest f*cking flight/layover? Making new friends? Finding old ones? Not sleeping? Jet lag? CLASS?

It is all happening right now. I am completely overwhelmed but really happy.

The journey began on the 22nd at 6:00am when I woke up in my parent's house to my alarm to get ready to go to the airport and fly across the world. I get to the airport, feeling good. Then, my dear mother hugs me goodbye at security, and I start crying my eyes out. The old lady next to me through security tries to console me and joke and all I managed to do was nod and smile with a face wet with tears. Not cute.

After making a friend on the plane, having a few beers in Toronto during my 6 hour layover, a 8 hour flight to Copenhagen, I finally made it to my place. I live in the closest dorms to campus in downtown Copenhagen. Check it out here.

It is a 3 story building with 6-10 bedrooms on each floor and each floor has its own kitchen and living space. Each room has two people in it, and of course, I got the smallest possible bedroom shared with a sweet/crazy girl form Atlanta. Holy smokes, I'm living with 12 girls.

Anyway, got lost in the city today, missed my family, and made a bunch of friends. Even connected with my high school BFF Jens who just so happens to live here.

These are some pics from today from my scavenger hunt around the city.


Royal Gardens (Hello, CU Boulder?)

Capital Building:

 Sea Port

More later.
xo
K

Public Speaking 101

It's finals time once again, which means tests and projects up the yin yang. This semester, I am enrolled in a public speaking course and our final includes a final speech (shocker). The assignment for this speech is to make up an award that you will pretend to receive and give the class your acceptance speech.

So here is my speech, hope you enjoy:

THE MOST CAFFEINATED AWARD

First of all, I want to thank the academy and all of my peers for awarding me the great honor of being the “Most Caffeinated.” This award means the world to me.

I need to thank my mom for always sending me Starbucks gift cards, I could never have done this without your thoughtful gifts, love, and support. With your help I became a Starbucks gold member in 3 days and the Vanilla Lattes have continued to flow. Thank you mom.

Additionally, I need to thank Starbucks for making delicious coffee beverages and throwing in that extra espresso shot here and there.

I want to shout out to my friends at Red Bull and Rockstar, for their easy to drink and reasonably priced energy drinks. You have made my journey to this point in my life so much easier and much more carbonated.

My excessive consumption of caffeine is not a hobby or habit, but is a lifestyle choice that I work hard to maintain. It warms my heart to feel the appreciation of all of you in the audience.

The process of becoming “The Most Caffeinated” began when I took my first courses at CU Boulder. Without the assistance of caffeinated substances, I did not stand a chance staying awake in my freshman writing course. Every day, 3:00 pm would roll around after a long day of activities, my professor would dim the lights, and the monotone lecture would begin. It took only moments before I would nod off and sleep until the sound of my own snores would wake me up. My professor as well as my peers did not appreciate my lack of attention and I knew I needed to change something in my life. That is when caffeine came into my world and changed me for the better.

Before class, I would drink a Sugar Free Red Bull and class would proceed. My mind would stay sharp and my eyes wide. I knew I would never be the same. My professor noticed the difference and stopped docking participation points. My peers began to chat with me during the death-by-boredom lectures and I ended up making some life-long friends. This is all due to my dietary change.

Now, I could maintain my late night habits and still keep my grades up. I stopped napping and started studying.

I have now succeeded in consuming more caffeine in one sitting then was previously thought possible by scientists around the world and I couldn't have done it without your love and support. I am so thankful for this recognition.

I wish you all the best and I encourage every single one of you to free yourselves from sleep and follow in my footsteps. Enjoy those late nights and early mornings followed by productive days. You will be amazed at how many episodes of Mad Men you can watch in a 24-hour time period. Trust me, this is the best decision I have ever made.

Thank you all for this award. God Bless you all.

OBAMA FOR YOUR MAMA

As a college student, I have the privilege and opportunity to see numerous famous and prestigious individuals speak all over campus. Sometimes they are guest speakers in class and others are giving campus-wide speeches. Some of them are known for reasons that are less then heroic *coughAndrewFastowcough, and others that are trying to save the world. Today, the campus of CU Boulder was blessed by the presence of the current President of the United States of America, Barack Obama.

OOOOOOHHH! AHHHHH!!

This is only the second time Boulder, Colorado has been graced by a sitting president, the first being Eisenhower in 1954.

This story begins last Sunday when tickets for Obama's not-campaign stop on our beautiful campus went on sale. The event had free admission for everyone and a limited number of seats available. Tickets were accessible from 12:00 pm until 3:00 pm for students, and after 3:00 they were reserved for everyone else (general public, faculty, etc.). The line for student tickets began forming somewhere around 8:00 am and only continued to grow, and grow, until campus and half of Broadway swarmed with eager students. For those truly committed to seeing our Commander and Chief, they waited in line. And then they waited in line some more. I have friends, they know who they are, who foolishly waited in line for up to two and a half hours. Why do I call them foolish you may ask? Because my man-friend aka DJ CDOM aka Owner and Operator of Staged Incident aka Chris, and I went to brunch with mother dearest and wisely came back at 2:45 to get our tickets. There were plenty left and the whole process took us 11 minutes (yes, we timed it). This included: parking, paying to park, walking, getting tickets, getting lost, etc. BOOM BITCHES.

So today was the big day. Coors Event Center had a line going on for nearly a mile, full of eager Obama-lovers waving American Flags and shit-talking Mitt Romney. There were a few anomalies in the crowd of Obama fans; Boulder's republicans came out in full-force, fully equip with signage and rude comments about our dear presidenté. I know what you're thinking, and I know, I am shocked too. BOULDER HAS REPUBLICANS?

Anyway, after melting in the sun and earning myself a farmer's tan, after an hour and a half of waiting in line we made it to the basketball stadium. My body shook with anticipation of seeing Obama and getting in the shade (or maybe it was just the dehydration), but we finally made it inside. I might add, there was no air conditioning, there were 11,000 people, and a million hot spot lights. Great.

We found seats positioned pretty far back but directly facing Mr. Obama and his secret service. And we waited.

To pass the time Chris and I played a few highly competitive rounds of rock, paper, scissor, and played thumb-war once or twice, or ten times. Then, finally, after Sir Barack spent some quality time at The Sink Restaurant on The Hill, taking his sweet ass time, he arrived.

He was greeted with a warm welcome, and started things off cracking jokes, talking about Boulder, praising The Sink, and looking as handsome as ever.

I was immediately pissed off.

Alright, you should know I am a registered Democrat with very, VERY mixed feelings about political parties and government policies. I am basically an Independent but what good is that, I can't vote in a primary, not that I have ever voted in a primary, but damn it, as a Democrat, I could if I wanted to!

I like Obama because he is charming, good-looking, and his wife is hot. I think he's done some good for our country, but if we're being honest, he had no where to go but up.

Basically what I'm saying is, someone needs to step it up and convince me that they are the one I should trust. And what do you know, no one has even tried. Until now.

Before I explain my pissed-off-ness, I should remind you that, one - I have some non-negotiable political opinions, and two - my vote has been neglected by any presidential candidate thus far in my life. (Whatever, so I'm 20 and this is the first election I can vote in. So what? You should have been priming me to vote for you since I could read.). And three - I just spent the last 4ish hours of my life melting in the heat.

(Picture me, sweating, mascara dripping down my face after just listening to whiny voices for 4 hours – not pretty.)

Alright, so I'm pissed-off because who do you think you are Barack? – can I call you Barack?

Coming in here like I have no brain and all you have to do is make me smile and I'll vote for you? HA HA you're so charming and funny but what can you do for ME!?

He spoke to the audience of college students like they were 10 years old and they needed a “Good boy!” from Mr. President. And the audience loved every minute of it.

The applause was endless. Barack would say, “You want lowered tuition rates!” EXPLOSION OF APPLAUSE.

The fuck people. . . He just stated a goddamn fact.

“Apple pie is delicious!” SEE! I CAN DO IT TOO.

Bastard. He's a genius.

Anyway, I am in complete awe of Barack's impressive speaking skill. He had 11,000 people hanging on his every word, granted he was talking about our tuition, student loans, and interest rates.

I think that pissed me off too. Cheap shot if you ask me. Of course we care about that stuff. I guess he's playing to his audience, and I guess no one can blame him. Maybe it's just that I hate all politicians. I mean, smiley things make me gag so why would this be any different?

Anyway, he finished his speech/non-campaign stop, whatever you want to call it, by referencing Facebook and Twitter. Really dude? That's how you and I are going to bond? Over social media? You seem so young and hip now. [except that I love social media seeing as it is the basis of my jobs and I just fucked shit up on Draw Something.]

I'll probably vote for him.

Xo,

K

F*ck one, marry one, kill one. GO!

My favorite game to play with friends is "Fuck one, marry one, kill one."
For those of you who don't know this game let me tell you how it works - you give a friend, or many friends, a list of 3 people. They HAVE to chose which one of these people the'd fuck, which one they'd marry, and which one they'd kill.

I'm home alone right now, so I am going to play myself, and play by my own rules.
Alright self - fuck one, marry one, kill one. GO.

Fuck One:
Amanda Bynes.
   This is just as much for me as it is for her. She has been in some legal trouble lately with her alleged DUI (bad girl!) and her career as been shrinking faster then her cheeks have been expanding. It's about that time in her career for a lesbian moment. Shake things up a bit, get people to notice her, maybe she can chalk her mistake of operating heavy machinery right after a vodka IV drip to a sexual identity crisis.
  This is for me because I try to do one nice thing for someone else every week. I will take this one for the team, Amanda. Plus, her voice makes me want to round-house kick her.  So I'm figuring this is the next best thing.

Marry One:

This is the hardest of all the questions. I have high standards and marriage is FOR LIFE. Scary shit.
This is why, to find my potential husband, I Googled "Oldest billionaire alive," which would make me the future Mrs. Walter Haefner. Walter is a 101 year old software mogul worth 4.5 billion dollars. You know what they say, life is short.

(for those of you thought I would pick Mark Zuckerberg - he has no soul. I have standards.)

Kill One:

Ke$ha.
Easiest choice I have made today. She brings absolutely nothing to the table. She has a money sign in her name because $he think$ $he'$ the $hit. (SEE KE$HA! I CAN DO IT TOO!)
Here is why I am always hating so hard on Ke$ha:
1.) She has no awesome celebrity gossip - so what good are you?
2) She can't spell
           For example:
                 Tik Tok
                 We R Who We R
                 Ke$ha
                 Grow a Pear

xo,
K

Naked without a cell phone in Mexico.

This year for spring break, my 10 closest friends and I ventured to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.

We all survived. Some of us had closer calls then others, but we all made it back to the US.

I had an epiphany on my Mexican, tequila-fueled spring break. Being in Mexico and south of the boarder meant that our cellular devices lost service. More accurately, they became exponentially more expensive to use in the land of body shots and topless beaches. We all had to put our phones aside, leave those back in the states behind, and live in the moment and only converse with those in our presence. This lead me to the conclusion that the only way people must have survived without cell phones in ancient times (up until the 90s) is that they must have been telepathic and cell phones have caused people to evolve and lose their cerebral communication abilities. This is the world's best kept secret. It is the ONLY logical explanation.

As members of this further evolved generation who lack any sort of telepathic talent, we got lost in the airport, panicked over missing friends, and felt the need to bring walkie talkies to find each other at the pool. I do not agree those intellectuals who criticize our generations addiction and dependence on cell phones. Instead, I would argue that we are evolutionary predisposed to utilize the modern technology of mobile phones in all necessary facets of our lives. So quit your criticisms, it's survival of the fittest, and so far it's looking like cell phones beat out telepathy.

xo
K

Sun's out, guns out.

It is 70 degrees in Boulder, Colorado and everybody has taken their clothes off.

Not all of their clothes, obviously (we aren't all dirty hippies), but shirts are off, sun dresses are on, and translucent white legs are on display.

To those of you unfamiliar with Colorado weather, or any region of the world that has cold winters but hot summers, in the fall, 70 degrees is the equivalent to 85 in the summer. After a long winter of -10 degrees, when your nostrils freeze and your toes are always numb, 70 feels pretty damn hot.

But not that hot.

Put your goddamn clothes back on people. Okay fine, rock that sundress, but lets be honest, you're chilly. Summer will come people, in due time. In the mean time, let's try and keep some of our clothes on. That bikini might be cute, and maybe you'll get a little tan, but if those goose bumps all over your legs are telling us anything, its that you need a hoodie. And boys, your nipples are so hard they could cut glass. Give them a break. Throw on a T-shirt until the wind dies down, please. I'm cold looking at you.

Enjoy the sun, should make for an interesting St. Patty's day this weekend.

xo
K

MY BUCKET LIST

Here is my Bucket list. It is a work in progress...

1.) Live anywhere but Colorado
2.) Have a Wikipedia page about me (not made by me, that's cheating)
3.)

I'm only 20.

Everyone around me is in such a hurry to grow up. My friends and I are 20 years old  and we all want to be 21 more then anything in the world. We are counting down the days until our next birthday, just as we have been speeding through the years since we turned 18, just for that moment when we can throw that fake ID away, march into that liquor store, and buy some cheap beer for our friends.

This makes me sad.

I am 20. We are 20. Let's take a moment and appreciate that we're 20.

So, here are some things I want to start to appreciate about being 20.

1.) I am in college.
     It is a miracle that in our society I get to learn about whatever I want, with all of my friends, on a beautiful campus. I am living on my parent's dime, close enough to adulthood that I can do whatever I want all day long, but far enough away that I have little to no responsibility. Tip of the hat to whoever decided that college was going to be the norm. I applaud you.

2.) I am not a teenager.
    20 sounds a hell of a lot older then 19. Slightly more respect. Zero more responsibility. Win win.

3.) FIRSTS
    At 20 we have had a lot of first. Our first steps, our first day of school, our first kiss, our first love, our first fight, our first hangover, our first midterm, our first apartment. But our firsts are far from over. We are old enough to have some big, life altering firsts under our belts, but we have so many more to look forward to. And the greatest part of the firsts from now on are almost entirely up to us.

4.) Fuck it, I'm young.
    We can make mistakes, big ones and little ones, and our excuse is real and legitimate. I'm young.

5.) Nothing is set in stone
    I have a lot of decisions to make. My major, my career, where to live, who to love. The beauty is, I have time to try everything out and decide what works for me. At 20 anything is still possible.

6.) I'm not 21.
   Once you turn 21, what is there left to look forward to? You have reached the ultimate age and from then on, you only gain more responsibility and more wrinkles.

7.) Setting the trends
   What's cool right now is up to us. That's a power and a privilege and we did nothing to earn it. Might as well make the most of it.

8.) Mommy and Daddy won't let me starve.

9.) I am allowed, even expected, to be a narcissist.

10.) No sleep
    Stay up all night, get up early. Repeat.

19.) No one is relying on me.
    I have no family, no husband, no kids, no career, no boss. It's just me, doing me. Once we graduate, this will no longer be the case. Let's not wish it away.

20.) I can eat whatever the hell I want.
    Hello our youthful metabolisms!


xo
K

F-bombs and beyotches

I need to apologize. It has been brought to my attention that I have been offending readers (ahem mother) with my unnecessary use of curse words on my blog, on my Facebook, and on my Twitter.

My apologies. I had no intention of offending or appearing unladylike to anyone. After all, I am a goddamn lady.

I think I should take a moment to review the significance and offensiveness of each curse word I frequently use. This way, if I should use one of said curse words, god forbid, we will all be on the same page as to not unintentionally offend anyone. This way, you can fully understand my motivation behind the word and either be less offended by its use, or about the same as you were before, in which case, I can't help you, stop reading my fucking blog.

Here are the curse words most commonly encountered on any of my social media sources:

goddamn
damn
fuck
fucking
mother fucking
bitch
ass
asshole
shit

These are very common curse words but are still, in my opinion, are the most effective and usefull.

Let's begin with "goddamn" for it is, by far, my most commonly used profanity (see - every blog I've ever written). This phrase is used for negative emphasis. For example, "..and I couldn't find my goddamn keys!" As you can see it's simply another adjective expressing frustration. No harm, no foul.

Next, lets address "fuck," "fucking," "mother fucking," and "fucker."
This word, in any variation is among the most forbidden of curse words. I was brought up in a household where it was referred to as the elusive "f-word." But today, it has made it's way into my vocabulary.
Most commonly, I use a variation of "fuck" in my writing because that sentence was fucking boring. Throw a "fucking" in there to spice things up. I like to think of it as my literally equivalent to Cholula hot sauce. Spicy and goes well with everything.

Finally, "bitch."  Yes, this word seems very aggressive and derogatory. And that's exactly how I mean it.


I hope this clears up any confusion and you can all see that a casual "fuck" thrown into any sentence is really just a part of a insightful and engaging piece of literature.

xo
K

ITS GODDAMN COLD IN MY GODDAMN HOUSE

IT IS 28 DEGREES OUTSIDE AND MY GODDAMN HEATER IS BROKEN IN MY GODDAMN APARTMENT.

So my toothpaste is frozen, my sheets feel like they were in the freezer, the bathroom window is frosted, and I am a wee bit chilly.

Want to know what my kind hearted landlord dropped by to help us with out troubles instead of fixing our heater? He sent one of his minions to drop off a TINY ASS SPACE HEATER. You think this 1ft x1ft  heat box is going to keep my 3 bedroom apartment warm tonight? You must be out of your fucking mind.

As we speak, my freshly showered, wet hair is turning into icicles and my toes are turning purple. My pipes are freezing and my nose is running.

If I make it through the night, I'll be sure to write my landlord a thank you note for the generous gift. NOT.

Deuces,
K

TEXTING IS FOR DUMBIES

TEXTING IS THE WORST INVENTION IN THE WORLD.

Okay, I didn't really mean that. Well, kind of.

I text a lot. All day long. I text in class, in bed, on a date, while on facebook, while watching TV, while walking, while eating, while drinking, and I have even been known to text while sleeping.
So, yeah, basically I am a hypocrite so no need to point that out.

But here's my point, while texting is great if you need to ask a quick question, you are somewhere where being on the phone would be disruptive, etc., it causes more problems then it's worth.

Personally, my biggest problem with texting is that there is no way to express sarcasm in a text message.
Here's how it gets me into trouble:

Friend: Hey girl, wanna come over again tonight?
Me: I mean we hung out last night and we both know how I feel about commitment...
Friend: Fine bitch.

See?! I was totally kidding, obviously. My suggestion to solve this problem is to invent a new form of italics called "sarcalics" to better express my sarcastic comments.

Second issue I have is that people try to have serious conversations over texting. This only gets everyone into trouble. You can't see someone's reaction to what you've said and you can be meaner because you're not actually saying anything to their face.

You might be mad at someone and to their face you'd say, "I'm mad at you for saying A,B, and C."
You then look at them and see the look of remorse and incoming tears and you know that is all you needed to say, you hug it out and go get Mocha Lattes at Starbucks.

Over text, the conversation goes more like this, "You fucking bitch, I can't believe you'd ever say A,B, and C about me, I really have to reevaluate our friendship."
WOAH WOAH! PUMP THE BREAKS! But over text, you have a license to be a little meaner, a little more aggressive, then you would in person.

Then the person who received this mean text shows everyone in the room with them and they convince her to reply with a classic, "Not my fault you suck."

See what I'm saying? Texting is more trouble then it's worth.

I hope we all can learn to put the phone down, handle our problems the old fashion way and make our friends cry in person.

XO
K

How to write a smarter paper

I am sitting in my usual Starbucks with my roommate on this beautiful Sunday afternoon "studying." Every time I have a paper, midterm, final, project, etc. I have the sudden urge to catch up on my blogging. So, today, I wanted to share a little nugget of wisdom with my readers (hi mom!). I am a professional school-paper-writer, I have written countless, as I am sure you have too, and I am going to share the key to sounding like you know how to write a paper.

Use semicolons.

I know, this raises a few questions or concerns like; How do I use a semicolon? Why would that make my paper better? I love commas. What's wrong with a normal colon? What if I use it wrong?

IRRELEVANT.

Here is everything you need to know about semicolons; no one knows how to use them, they look fancy, no one will question the rest of your punctuation because you're smart enough to use a semicolon, (you OBVIOUSLY know how to use a goddamn comma), and you will make everyone who reads your paper insecure about not using the infamous semicolon.

BOOM; that C paper has moved up to an A-. 

You are welcome.

xo

K

BIG WORK DAY TODAY

Ello Folks!

BIG WEEK

This has been a  huge week! Starting with my Biggest Loser Cleanse. Other then having to pee every 3 minutes, I haven't really been noticing much of a difference in the way I feel or the way I look. Now, I can't blame only Jillian for this one, it could be a little bit of my responsibility. This cleanse/detox thing is suppose to clean your liver, be good for your kidneys and spleen (the fuck does my spleen do?), as well as get rid of your water weight. I may have shot-gunned a few beers this weekend and ate everything there was to eat on Super Bowl Sunday (including, but not limited to: po' boys, mozzarella sticks, dino-chicken nuggets, Mexican delicious fried thing, unrecognizable dip, taco bell, and doughnuts). These small snacks may be effecting the outcome of my cleanse. But hey, I am sticking with it! Only 3 more days. Woop woop!

Speaking of 3 days from now - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Mark your calendars y'all, this girl is turning 20! I have successfully made it through two decades and evaded teen pregnancy. I'm going to go ahead and call this one a win.

Now on an unrelated note, I have been giving some thought to my future. Not my distant future, but my more immediate future. More specifically, summer 2012. Now, summer is my favorite time of year. I sit at home, lay in the sun (covered in SPF 45 mom, chill), eat, go out to eat, cook, you know - normal summer things. But THIS summer, I am planning on studying abroad through my University in Copenhagen, Denmark. This is big time folks. I am in the application process but my hopes are high! Europe here I come!

It's way past my bedtime. Night!

xo
k



PS: Title is for you Joe.

The Biggest Loser Cleanse

Okay, so if you haven't noticed, I am obsessed with food (if you haven't, then you're either an idiot or you've never read my blog before). Now, this obsession normally takes the form of eating anything and everything. After every crumb has been consumed, I then take a moment to decide whether I liked it or not and whether it was really worth eating. Digest and repeat. Simple way of life that has been treating me just fine for the last 19 (almost 20) years.
I am about to go against everything I believe in for the sake of science!..and because my fortune cookie from yesterday's Chinese take-out told me to try something new (and I would like to remind the makers that if anything they should be called "fortune crackers" or "fortune cardboard" because they are a shame to the category of "cookie" - and yes, I eat them anyway).

My obsession is taking a new turn. My BFF Erin and I are going to attempt to go on the Jillian Michaels's, the chick from the Biggest Loser, 7 day cleanse.

Before anyone panics at the word "cleanse" and jump to any conclusions, this is the baby of all cleanses, this is the diet coke of cleanses. It's got the same idea as the real thing, but it's just not quite as authentic.

The reason for our pussy cleanse rather then the real thing: Well, I am an eater, born and raised and I will never, not even for a week, give up this simple pleasure of life. We will be eating, just very healthy (i.e. lettuce).
The key to this cleanse, is the voodoo drink we have to consume daily. The recipe goes as follows:
60 ounces of distilled water
1 tablespoon of sugar free cranberry juice
1 dandelion root tea bag
2 tablespoons of lemon juice

Thank god we live in the hippie, health food capital of the country so "dandelion root tea bags" shouldn't be too hard to find. So the plan is, drink 60 ounce of this concoction (or the equivalent of 2 Nalgenes) every day, for 7 days. Apparently, you lose all your water weight, you lose your bloat, and potentially 5-7 pounds (which I'm sure you gain right back as soon as you stop drinking a kiddie pool worth of water daily).

I hope my diet of peanut butter and Diet Coke wont effect the results, because those are my dietary staples that ain't changin'.
Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted.

xo
k

New Year - New Problems

I started 2012 off on the absolute wrong foot. Here's basically how it went, clock struck midnight, goodbye 2011, hello 2012 - BOOM, CONCUSSION.

Okay, maybe it wasn't quite that fast, and maybe I didn't technically have a "concussion," but none the less, I was injured, starting this year off with some bad juju.

The concussion went something like this - I went to the doctor's office for a yearly check-up. I got the all clear to get off the table and put myself back together. In my excitement to G.T.F.O. of the office, I enthusiastically jumped off the table and went forehead first into the cabinet. I frantically looked around to make sure no one saw my embarrassing head-butt, shook it off, and scurried out of the office.

I didn't think anything of it, until I woke up from an impromptu 3 hour nap and a pounding headache, followed by nausea. (yes, yes, naps are bad when concussed - but where were you to tell me that BEFORE I took said nap? Huh?). 

Now the reason I have to give the disclaimer that I am not positive it really was a concussion because, one, I have never had one before, and two, I never went to the doctor.

The morning after the "incident" I called my dear mother and asked to be escorted to the doctor's office (ironically the place that gave me my head trauma in the first place) to confirm that I did indeed have a concussion and to ease my fears that I was going to die. I was told by my mother, that since I lived closer to the hospital then she does, I should just go ahead and escort myself.

I AM CONCUSSED WOMAN! I sustained a head trauma and am in no position to be operating heavy machinery!

Needless to say, I never made it to the emergency room.

On the bright side, this year has no where to go but up, and I can finally sound like a bad ass and say I had a concussion (but if anyone asks, it's from hitting my head while saving a puppy from being mauled by a bear, the puppy is fine, don't worry. I sustained only minor injuries).

xo
k